Portal 2 introduces players to Wheatley, a Personality Core that wakes up Chell from stasis. He becomes a guide as Chell tries to escape the decaying Aperture facility. He seems to be a funny, likable character. As we now know, Wheatley plays a much sinister role in Portal 2’s story. Here are some of Wheatley’s best quotes.
“…its not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.”
Chell’s been in stasis for a long time. It’s been so long that her body has left a deep imprint on the mattress. This quote is heard right after she is woken up. Wheatley reassures her she’s fine, even when she jumps instead of speaks.
“Maybe your prejudiced work site should have accommodated a nanobot of my size! Thanks for the hate crime, Jer. See you in court, mate.”
In Chapter 2, Chell is stuck in GLaDOS’ test chambers. The last time Wheatley was seen, he was being crushed by GLaDOS. It’s a bit of a shock that he’s now working with nanobots. Apparently, they aren’t the nicest employers. While trying to talk to her about escaping, he gets guff from his boss, Jerry. Wheatley argues that he’s on break. Unfortunately, Jerry doesn’t want to hear it.
“Computer…box part with electronics…spinning things.”
Wheatley tries to impress Chell with his hacking abilities. While trying to figure out how to shut down the neurotoxin, Wheatley pretends to know what he’s doing. He takes inventory of everything from the computer to the pens. Then he tries to convince the neurotoxin control panel that he’s an inspector. If that wasn’t desperate enough, he attempts to get the control panel to look at a bird to distract it. The panel isn’t sentient, so none of this works. This quote can only be heard if Chell hangs around the office and doesn’t go up the stairs right away.
“Fatty fatty, no parents.”
In Wheatley’s fourth test chamber, he tries to insult Chell just like GLaDOS does. He’s not very good at it, but it is hilarious. As he stumbles through calling Chell fat and orphaned, GLaDOS actually defends her, which makes this part even funnier.
“There are test subjects in Africa who don’t even have monitors in their test chambers, all right?”
In Chapter 8, Wheatley watches Chell through monitors. These can be broken and when they are, he’s not impressed. Using the old saying every child has heard when they don’t want to finish their dinner, Wheatley switches the quote around and tries to make Chell feel bad. It doesn’t work since there’s a trophy for breaking them all.
“Could you just jump into that pit? There.That deadly pit.”
At the beginning of Chapter 9, Wheatley has Chell in a tight situation. She’s surrounded by a pit and spike plates. Once she portals out of danger, he still tries to convince her to jump in. What’s down there? According to this quote, there’s everything from Chell’s birth parents, to a new jumpsuit, a handbag, and a boy band who aren’t picky when it comes to women. If you voluntarily jump into the pit, you’re awarded with a trophy.
“Aristotle vs mashy spike plates.”
Wheatley tries to portray himself as cultured. He was built to be a moron, but that doesn’t stop him. He plays classical music and brags about all the great literature he’s been reading. He talks about how his relationship with Chell is like Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty. It’s also like Aristotle and his nemesis, spike plates. Of course, there’s one ready to crush Chell to bits.
Wheatley turning bad was a great plot twist in Portal 2. Not only did he have hilarious quotes when he was helping Chell, he gets even funnier as a moronic villain trying to prove himself. He even learns a lesson and sees the error of his ways when he’s stuck in “Spaaace!”
This post is part of the series: Best Portal 2 Quotes
One of the best aspects of the Portal 2 game is its writing. GLaDOS isn’t the only one talking anymore, thanks to Cave Johnson and Wheatley. These are the best quotes from these three Portal 2 characters.